Something More…

When I’m feeling off,

when I try to force things,

when I’m in robot mode,

when I’m exhausted and overwhelmed,

when I’m dropping shit left and right, running into things and tripping,

when I’m pissy and blaming others,

when I beat myself up,

when I go for the liquor cabinet,

when I devour a bag of Peanut M&Ms,

when I’m not laughing,

when I feel something’s missing….

It’s my sign that I am out of alignment with the natural flow of life.

I’m living in my head, not in my heart.

I try to ‘make‘ things happen.

It’s a forced rush, a impatient little bitch, an inconvenience, a constant gnawing at my body and soul.

It. wears. me. down.

and at the end of the day I find myself thinking,

‘there has to be something more’…

This way of living is hell.

I’m not connected to my soul,

I’m not connected to nature,

I’m not connected to a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g.

For the longest time I didn’t know my way out…

Until I saw how I imprisoned myself,

and I believed I could change.

I went out in nature,

I fully surrendered,

 I stopped forcing, numbing and blaming,

 I began to feel again,

 and I could see the light.

When I searched for my something more, I realized the only thing keeping me from it,

 was me.

It was only me.

It wasn’t my job,

my house,

my income,

my body,

my relationships,

It was all me…

I get to choose how I want to show up in this world.

So now,

every day,

when I wake up,

I make a choice…

And I choose to get out of

my own.

damn.

 way.

I choose something more…