I feel something bigger than I am that has no words.
Something that I have surrendered to.
I do not necessarily know where this is taking me. I only know the general direction and feeling of it. I do not have a specifc route and set out plan of what turns to take and when to take them.
There is no absolute destination, and in that there is so much freedom.
Is it scary?
HELL YES, at times.
The part of me that is wired for survival is not liking this new way of life. It reminds of all the but what ifs and hows and whys. I have learned to acknowledge this gnawing voice. I honor its presence for trying to keep me safe and then contemplate my decsion based on the bigger picture. More times than not my survival mode in reality is not needed.
This is because I trust my Soul.
I have let go and let it lead.
Taking that leap toward truth.
Building my wings as I go.
Knowing that where ever I land is the meant to be destination for me in order gain the knowledge and wisdom that is required for me to grow. All of which will guide me on my next leap. It all brings me to where I am supposed to be.
IT BRINGS ME CLOSER TO ME.
Slowly, that bigger overwhelming picture becomes more familiar.
The feeling of knowing I am where I am supposed to becomes more concrete.
This way of life can be hard for others to understand. People want answers that I simply can not give them.
The point of taking the leap is that there are no answers, no specific absolute.
If I had the answers than that means I am controlling things to get an outcome. Or giving someone an answer that I think they want to hear to make them more comfortable. Which in turns means I am not listening and trusting. This just prolongs the process and life will through me a lesson to wake me up to get me back on track.
The more I resist surrendering, the harder life is.
It’s kind of an oxymoron, a double edged sword. Neither way is completely easy.
But what I have learned is that trusting has a much greater return in experience.
It’s path is exponentially more rich and exhilirating. I feel more alive and in touch. Life slows down and things seem to just fall into place with out effort.
I can enjoy the most simplest purest things that I would never of noticed if I tried to force and control all the answers. That way of living clouds my mind with unrealistic scenarious and self doubt.
It takes much more energy and pain to hold my self back than it does to let go and bloom.
The intitial first leap is the hardest, much like sky diving, (which yes I have done).
After that first leap from the plane you feel pure and utter panic. Your mind tries to make sense of this new feeling of free falling. You have no recognition of where you are, the feeling is so foreign that everything in you goes into alarm. But then once you gain your composure and stability you become in awe of the view. You never knew such beauty existed.
Although you still haven’t landed safely on the ground you can’t help but be in the present moment of the expereince. Its an experience that these words still can’t explain.
After landing I was asked, would you do that again? And immediately said Yes, that wasn’t as scary as I made it up to be. This holds true in every aspect of my life.
The feeling of empowerment after letting go and trusting is not something you will be able to forget. It holds you accountable.
This new way of trusting is COMPLETELY different than the way I had been living….but I am so much happier and to me that’s all that matters.
People that don’t understand this way of life can become concerned because it is out of the norm to put your life in the hands of something bigger than you that people can’t name or see.
The only way someone can comprehend all this is if they take the leap for themselves in what ever form that comes in.
There is no need to have to explain why you choose to do what you do.
Continue trusting who you are and the decisions you make even if that means disappointing people by not showing up for them the way you used to.
Save all that energy for your journey and smelling the roses.
It’s your divine right to do so….