“A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for”…

I’ve recently had this urge to cleanse in order to bring in new energy. Last week I went on a total pick up and purge of my home. De-cluttering everything, organizing, cleaning, washing all the windows and screens and also did a lot of planting flowers and landscaping around the house. I re-organized the furniture in the living room, fluffed all the pillows and cushions, I burned Sage in every room, then blessed and set intentions with Palo Santo holy wood. I even tossed a handful of Himalayan salt on all of our main pieces of furniture .. Why you ask?

Because I have in the past 7 months made a conscious decision to face the dark and live in it. I dived into it on 11/11/15. I was doing a meditation and something happened that guided me to this path. I knew that if I wanted the life I’d imagined that it was now or never.

The dark was calling me. It was time to face all my fears and look them right in the eye to see what I was to learn. I didn’t back down once. It took all of my energy and time to get through it. But I simply knew this was the only way.

No more tip toeing around the monsters because I was afraid to wake them up. Instead I went right up to them when they weren’t looking, I tapped them on the shoulder and said Hey, remember me? It’s time you and I stepped into the ring.

It was terrifying and paralyzing at first, for in the past, just one look in the eye from my dark would make me crumble and keep me small.

But this time around I had momentum working for me. I had allowed myself the time to figure out that kind of dark power is all smoke and mirrors. I could see the big picture and that was my motivation to keep going and not be knocked out in the first round.

You see I have been clearing years and years and even lifetimes of triggers, pain and past traumas that I didn’t even know existed until I started slowing down in life. Until I gave myself the space to recognize them and call them out. We all have this. Some in different forms, some not as deeply rooted and some even more darker and deeper than myself. No one is exempt from this.

I’ve been asked lately what’s going on with me. That my blogs have been kinda dark… Well people. I have made the decision to become what I know I am capable of. It’s the difference between existing in this universe or living WITH it…

I’m not going to hide from myself any longer by going with the flow, distracting myself with life, TV, booze, or keeping so busy that I conveniently don’t have the time to deal with my issues.

I don’t want to stay under the radar of opportunity. I don’t want to live a life of complacency controlled by fear. I know there is more out there. I can feel it, and now I can see it. I had the balls to go there to discover what that looks like.

I am not afraid to share my struggles of getting through this with the world. This is the way to the light. Sharing our stories is what we are here to do. And with that I don’t mean only sharing the perfected filtered pictures on Facebook/Instagram. Or just the amazing trips and happiest moments in my life. I’m not going to wait until I have it all figured out and perfected until I show myself. I am going to do it now.

There isn’t enough people talking about the messy middle that is absolutely NECESSARY to get to the next level. Sharing our struggles connects people. It takes the fear out of the situation. Suddenly I can relate and realize that I am not alone, this is the nudge that has gotten me over that last couple feet of the brick walls in life… So yes, some of my blogs will be dark. That is the point because THIS IS REAL!!

I am sharing these experiences for people that are in the same boat. The people that have been hearing their own voices telling them to try something different. If you have been unhappy and keep doing the run around in your life, it’s because you haven’t gone deep enough. Band-aids are only temporary.

So if you only want to hear the great cheery stuff and how amazing I am and how I have it all together…the surfaced way of living life, this isn’t for you… But let me tell you something,….IT SHOULD BE!!…Because if something in someone else makes you uncomfortable it is your souls way of pin pointing an area the needs improvement. Use that feeling as a starting point!!

But if you would rather hide under your rock I understand that too. I’ve been there. Just know when you cast judgement on others that are doing something about their lives it is a direct reflection of what you think about yourself.. (Cue in..another place to start..;) )

On the other hand if any of this is resonating with you then it’s your soul telling you to take the leap! Face your fears!! Free yourself!

Reading books and peoples stories have absolutely helped me on my journey. I have come along way. I can say I have brought my DARK to the LIGHT. It is the only way. I had to jump into the rabbit hole and bring all those fears to the surface, TO the light. Trying to just shine the LIGHT on the DARK by only being positive doesn’t suffice. It’s a temporary fix and doesn’t get to the core. It will grow back just like an ugly wart and continue to haunt you.

I willingly lived in the dark to totally deconstruct myself. I had to go into my cocoon, dissolve what I thought I was into goo and then put the pieces back together. And that my friends is where I am at. I turned myself into goo and created something from it.

I have hit a milestone. I can feel it with every ounce of my being. I have let go of what no longer serves me. I realize that my urge to clean and clear my home amongst planting seeds around my house, letting the clear light and fresh breeze come into my newly cleaned windows, burning sage and blessing my home was because it was my way of announcing to the universe that I am ready for new energy and opportunity to knock on my door. I dug in the dirt in order to plant a seed and now I am ready to sprout my first stem. I have created all the necessary new roots underneath the surface.. It’s time to move forward and show myself. I am fearless. I have been reborn. I made wings from my goo, It’s time to fly..

I can put my energy into life instead of in letting go. Energy to build a life that is customized to me. Anything is possible. Heaven on Earth is a real thing. But in order to experience that I had to go through this process of deconstruction.

Fear isn’t as powerful as you may think it is… But you have to learn that for yourself…It’s part of the ride…